Couch Talk
by WonderfulWhy
Summary: Boy sees Girl. Boy watches Girl sleep. Girl wakes up. Boy calls Girl's face weird. It's a lovestory for the ages. Ders/OC


She was like an eight. Eight and a half, maybe with makeup on. But considering that she wasn't wearing any mascara or foundation or any of the other mystical goo that chicks put on their faces to lure men to Vaginatown, she was really hot. Congratulations, you've transcended 'cute' and are now living in 'sexytown.'

When Anders had seen her before (when the party was still going on and she wasn't passed out,) the woman had been looking for someone and was obviously not really there to rage per say. Wearing jeans and a tank top with the Heineken label doesn't really suggest that you're here to party. But apparently, she hadn't found who she was looking for because she was now passed out on a couch cradling a bottle of Vodka.

Well. Was.

She opened her eyes warily and then squinted at Ders, confused. "Were you just watching me sleep?" she finally groaned.

_Shit, shit, shit. Cover yourself, Ders; don't let the pretty girl think you're crazy and weird. _"No… You just, um, have something weird on your face." _Smooth. Nice recovery. _

"Dammit, did someone draw a dick on my face again? TRICIA, you slut! I will cut you." The girl sat up and rubbed her temple, clearly regretting raising her voice.

"Oh, you are scary," Ders mumbled under his breath. "Great." It figured that the pretty girl would be intimidating. Unfortunately, while he was scolding himself, the girl had grabbed the spoon that was hanging comically out of Adam's mouth – funny, he hadn't noticed Adam passed out at the foot of the couch – and was examining her face for any phallic artwork.

"Wait." She put the spoon back in Adam's mouth and sat there looking confused. "There's nothing drawn on my face. What's on my face that's weird?" she asked, obviously concerned about what Ders had said.

"Your… face. Is on your face." If Ders could have punched his _own _face at that moment without looking like an insane person, he would have.

The girl crossed her arms, a bit hurt-looking and more than a bit offended. "Are you calling my face weird?" she asked him as she leaned forward and glared at him. _Whoa, she has really nice eyes. They're like the color of cheap, delicious beer. _

"No – I was just –" he mumbled.

The girl raised her eyebrow and smiled just a bit. "You were watching me sleep, huh?"

"Yes," Ders admitted immediately. "Totally. Are you going to 'cut' me?" he asked half-jokingly/half-seriously, scooting away from the girl just a bit. Hot girls were always the ones you had to watch out for – scratch that, _all girls._

To his relief she shook her head, her dark blonde hair – which had been messed up from sleeping on a friggin' couch – swinging from side to side. "Nah, I won't cut you," she promised him with a soft laugh. But then she furrowed her eyebrows in confusion. "We didn't have sex, right? 'Cause if we're being totally honest I got pretty hammered with screwdrivers last night because I'm a fan of irony. Like, really hammered. If I was a guy, I would have a serious case of limp-dick."

"Hah. Nice use of irony and _been there_." He regretted saying that immediately. "Well, that was too much information to tell a girl." Again, he wanted to punch himself. "No. We did not do sex," he assured her awkwardly.

"Did you just say 'do sex'?" The girl covered her mouth as she smiled crookedly, not wanting him to feel bad about himself. That was nice.

"Yeah," Ders admitted with a sigh. "I immediately regretted that as well. Sorry, I'm a little… flummoxed right now." _Dude, did you really just say the word 'flummox' just now? Well, adios hope of being laid ever again._

"It's okay. I don't mean for my weird face to flummox you," she apologized with a smile as she started to stretch out. Ders noticed she had really nice teeth… And really great boobs. Not huge, but like… good sized.

He snapped out of it as soon as he realized she was tracking where his eyes were wandering. _Then _he realized he had called her face weird in an awkward attempt to save himself from awkwardness. "Oh, yeah, that – I don't think your face is weird, per say. Actually, just the opposite. You're really pretty."

Honestly, Ders hadn't meant to say it like that. Girls got spooked if you were too nice to them at first, right?

To his surprise she grinned cheekily and said, "Thanks! The plastic surgeons did a really great job." She must have seen his face fall in shock/confusion because she quickly added, "That was a joke."

"HAHA," he laughed loudly.

She shook her head and laughed gently. "It wasn't that funny of a joke." The girl shrugged. "But I appreciate that you tried to find it that funny because I have boobs – it's very flattering," she assured him.

"I could find other ways to flatter you," Ders flirted badly. Like, really badly. "That was awkward." He laughed in spite of himself.

"Yeah, it was," she said. But she smiled anyway. "Okay. I need food." The girl stretched once more and stood up to her full height. Which Ders was surprised to see only amounted to like 5'3" at most. _A literally shorty. _

"Oh. Okay." Ders was a bit disappointed that she was leaving already. He didn't even get her number. Or name for that matter and after his many poor attempts to flirt he decided that he didn't really have a chance at finding out either. "Nice to…"

"Watch me while I sleep?" She smirked. And he turned red.

"Yeah, I'm sorry about that."

"No. It's okay. You don't seem like a psychopath. And even if you are, you are a very cute, awkward one," she said, pushing him affably.

"Right back at you," Ders replied. _Smooth. Again._

"Ha. Alright. Do you want to go get food? With me. I mean." Suddenly she felt really awkward as well.

"O-Okay," he stuttered in disbelief. He hadn't really done anything right, so maybe she was just messing with him? She did seem kind of out of his league. "My name is Ders." _Wait, that sounds like a fake name_. "Anders."

"Okay, Ders. My name is Kaya." She smiled widely and linked her arm around his. "So how do you feel about Waffle House?"


End file.
